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Fear...

May 9, 2014

“May your choices reflect your hopes not your fears.” ~ Nelson Mandela

 

Fear causes procrastination and leaves us stagnant. It is a universal emotion that we all deal with; an emotion aroused by impending danger, evil, or pain, whether real or imagined. We sometimes mistake fear for anxiety, but anxiety is lingering apprehension or worry caused by fear…

 

As a child, I was influenced by fearful people… by watching how they handled disappointment, I learned how to embrace fear. As I embraced fear, I became a slave to fear and was overtaken by fear. I was full of fear…. struggled with fear of failure, fear of getting hurt, fear of rejection, fear of the unknown, and fear of not being enough. As a way of survival, I became what people needed me to be…. A people pleaser: Addicted to approval. I lost my voice, went with the flow of life, and allowed life to live for me.

 

Going with the flow of life and becoming whatever people needed of me became my way of survival… my way of protecting myself from rejection, hurt, failure, feeling less than, and being side barred by the unknown. Overtime my way of protection did more damage than good…. Fear dictated my decisions and caused me to settle and compromise. Honestly, I had no standards or values in place on how people were required to treat me…. I did not have any standards on how to treat myself. Fear stripped me of such ability…my self-worth and self-esteem was shattered and masked with arrogance and false confidence.

 

Crazy thing…. If asked about fear, I would say with conviction, “I’m not afraid of anything”…. I knew deep inside, I was fearful of many things, but fear required me to front and pretend to be something I was not…STRONG. I was paranoid… afraid people would found out I was hurt…. Broken.

 

False evidence appearing real. I was deceived… I believed the lie and allowed my emotions to move and control me… Everything I tried to protect myself from manifested in my life one way or another and guess what? It was me…. I rejected myself, I sabotaged myself, I hurt myself, I placed myself in crazy and unwanted situations… I was never enough for me. Fear is deceptive and has the ability to destroy you in the worst way…

 

What are your fears? Do you know…. have you ever thought about it?

 

Less talk later.

 

Xoxoxo,

Dr. Dyoni

 

References:

Dictionary. Com. (2014). Fear. Retrieved from http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/fear

Lerner, Harriet., Ph.D. (2009). The dance of connection: Rescuing women and men from the quicksand of difficult relationships. Retrieved from http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-dance-connection/200910/fear-vs-anxiety

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