I was deceived… I believed the lie and allowed my emotions to move and control me… Everything I tried to protect myself from manifested in my life one way or another and guess what? It was me…. I rejected myself, I sabotaged myself, I hurt myself, and I placed myself in crazy and unwanted situations… I was never enough for me.
Fear is deceptive and has the ability to destroy you in the worst way…What are your fears? Do you know…. have you ever thought about it? Thought about the deep embedded fears…you know, the fears you rather not discuss or address with others let alone yourself. In my previous blog, I shared some deep rooted fears I hid for years. I pretended and covered up for years what I honestly didn’t want others to know about me. On top of this, I was fearful of being exposed of doing such a thing. I allowed fear to rule and control me…control my words… control my actions… control my interaction with others and control my interaction with myself. For years, I pretended… acted as if everything was good. I pushed many things under the table and convinced myself I could deal with it later. Only to realize what was once small became something so large that I couldn’t hide or manage any longer. I was afraid to address my stuff…. my issues. I didn’t want to admit to myself I had issues and I definitely didn’t want to deal with them.
Many of us are afraid to address our stuff, I know I had fears about it. But I learned in order to move forward with my life, I had to deal with my stuff. Although I was afraid to re-live some things that were devastating and heartbreaking, I needed to face it and deal with it. It was critical to search deep within myself to get to the heart of my core and admit some things happened, be honest with myself concerning my attitude towards those things, and make the decision to address and deal with such things.
For many years, I talked myself out of dealing with my stuff and allowed my emotions to dictate my decisions and because of this, I became a procrastinator and defied my own destiny. Somehow, I always talked myself out of doing something… I thought the worst… over analyzed everything and found myself missing out on life. On the outside, it appeared I was enjoying life, but inwardly I was miserable…screaming at the top of my lungs. I desperately wanted to be free, but it was difficult.
I carried my stuff for so long, I thought it was part of me…delusional. I could not imagine living life without it. My mind was distorted and deep inside I thought maybe what I was dealing with was normal. I tell you the truth, our minds have a way of playing tricks with us. We have to be careful what we allow to linger… we have to be careful what we entertain. Oftentimes, our perception is distorted when operating in fear. What appears real and large is just the opposite… nonexistent. In our minds we create nonexistent situations or scenarios much larger than what they really are… so much so that eventually such things naturally manifest within our environments, ultimately shaping our present and defining our future.
It wasn’t until I got sick of myself that I began to recognize some things in my life, saw some patterns, and decided to research me. It wasn’t easy, but I made the decision to fight… to fight for my destiny.
My question to you is this…. Are you sick and tired of yourself? If so…I invite you to join us as we travel through the different dimensions of life. Let’s heal together!