Sometimes we get so busy we never take time to stop and process our thoughts, emotions, and feelings. We live day by day without taking time to process… Process how and who we interact with, conversations we have, urges and desires we have, or even the way we treat ourselves. We’re all guilty of it… I know I am. I’ve come to the realization that we only have one life, but we are afforded many opportunities to get it right, be better, but there has to be a willingness to take a look deep within ourselves…Self-Examination.
Self-examination is not an easy thing…. It can prove to be extremely difficult… Difficult to look deep within ourselves and touch those areas that hurt… Those ugly areas… Those areas of devastation... That area of pain. We need to touch, feel, and accept our stuff, so we are no longer controlled by such stuff. No longer manipulated into living as a perfect stranger to ourselves…. The best way to RUN is to run toward our stuff… our stuff of shame…the stuff we worked overtime to forget….worked over time to block out. In fact, that very thing we try to block out is the very thing we need to deal with.
I examine myself probably more often than needed. I do this because I understand myself. I understand if I don’t constantly examine myself, I’ll fall back into the place I fought so hard to get out of….Selfishness, Approval Addiction, Self Delusion, Pride, and Operating in and out of my old heart… OFFENSE. Self-examination helped me become fully aware of my stuff…. fully aware of my flaws. But my awareness didn’t come until I made a conscious decision to stop the busy work and take time to process some things.
Busy work allowed me to run from myself... run from dealing with things I pushed to the side and tried to hide… I tried to hide from my true feelings concerning life… how I felt about myself or lack thereof. I loved the blame game… you know that game where you blame everyone but yourself for craziness that goes on in your life…DRAMA. It’s crazy because once I stopped and began to process different things, I began to see me for me. I began to understand it was me... Instead of blaming and living in denial, I decided to deal with me… focus on me... Focus on me…TEND TO ME! I am responsible for me… I am my most important project…the most important project I will ever work on.
To be honest with you, it took some time to admit I am extremely flawed…. It took some time to admit I hated my very own reflection. I desired perfection… I expected perfection and I hated mistakes… I hated the very thought of making a mistake. But once I made the decision to take a look at myself, I began to examine and understand why I expected so much of myself and why I was so hard on myself…. I began to understand why I responded and reacted certain ways. Things began to make sense and I began to deal with stuff that I had no idea controlled my very existence.
Like me… you too have a choice. You decide whether to continue to run away or run toward your stuff. Keep this in mind, if you choose to not take any action at all, you’ve made your decision. No action still equals a lower level of action and it speaks loudly.
You are your most important project…. Let’s talk later….