It’s been a little over two weeks since my last blog post…I needed to take a step back. Sometimes, these moments happen and you’re not able to provide warning or any explanation. Sometimes, we have to just fall back… get to ourselves, reflect, and process some areas of our lives. I realize, it’s in these times I get a better understanding to why I respond and react certain ways. I even notice in these times, I am more receptive to see things in its true light. It’s as if I remove myself to view things outside in rather than inside out…… It crazy because when you’re in the situation, sometimes you are unable to see everything clearly… It’s as if you only see things or see what you want to see when you want to see it
Some days you just need to be silent… STOP…. get to yourself… and process some things.
Understand it’s nothing wrong with this… I’ve lied to myself on many occasions telling myself, I’m okay. I’m fine, but in reality I wasn’t. Things hurt…. Life hurts…. And at times it’s extremely difficult to be vulnerable… to genuinely share your true feelings without being paranoid of someone throwing them back in your face. So many times, I’ve experienced this….people I cared about use what I shared… how I felt… or even some type of thought I had against me. I never understood how people could be so up and down. How people could be for you one day and attack you the next. Life lessons. In this, I’ve had to look at myself… I needed to know whether I was giving that off…. Was I doing the same things to others? Was it the hurtful reality that I was attracting what was inside of me? These are my thoughts…….
I am intentional with everything I do. I examine myself deliberately and it has nothing to do with others. It has everything to do with me… Some will call it selfish, but for me….it’s about my heart. It’s about guarding my heart and protecting myself from hurt and harming others. The heart is the inner core of who we are…..It reflects our thoughts, feelings, desires, will, and choices. It’s our heart that God examines, not our outward appearance (1 Samuel 16:7). In everything that has attempted to suggest I harbor bitterness, rage, anger, brawling, and slander, along with every form of malice towards others; I intentionally make the decision to release it all from my heart. Sometimes it takes longer than a day…. Sometimes it takes longer than two days…..But I deal with it until I know it has completely been dealt with and released. Honestly, this is not an easy thing… it’s a challenge for me. But I choose to forgive… I choose to be kind… I choose to be compassionate… I choose to continue to love others.
Yes, working on self is never easy. It’s extremely difficult because we are forced to look at ourselves… we are forced to take a deep look within. We’re all a work in progress and we have to remember this in all things. We all have our issues… some of us are in tune with such issues and some are not. In any event… you are responsible for you and how you deal with your stuff. People may not ever understand and that is okay. In the end, you have to answer to how you address and deal with your stuff…. your issues. In the end, you have to deal with the consequences…. In the end, it’s you not other people who has to look you in the face each and every day.
Silence……. Don’t despise your process…. TRUST IT!