Confronting is never easy, but it is something that must be done especially when what we need to confront has the potential to hinder us.
My mind wonders back to 2000, when I felt extremely rejected by a guy who decided to disappear and vanish from our relationship without warning. One day we were inseparable and the next he was nowhere to be found. I was devastated and could not understand why.
My mind wonders back to 2002, when I chased someone who was never meant to be mine. How many of us strongly felt that a particular person was the one, but for some reason that particular person just didn't want to comply? Lol… I spent many years fighting for someone who was never intended for me. Thinking back, I was so caught up with what I thought I wanted that I ignored the harsh reality... I was just not who he wanted. Although I went on with my life, I carried the thought of us one day being together. Yes, I dated different guys and even began a serious relationship, but deep inside, I secretly fought for the guy who I desperately wanted. Reality set in once I realized he began a life that just did not include me. I was devastated and could not understand why.
My mind also wonders back to mid - 2013 when I selected a guy who didn't select me, the woman; but rather, he wanted to attach himself to specific qualities I carried that he lacked… When a demand was place upon him, he showed his true self… his ill motives, which left me devastated. Early 2014, I began dating a guy who could care less about me, the woman; he was only interested in my gifts and how my gifts could help him advance in life… In the midst of all this, I was contacted by Mr. 2000, the guy who abruptly disappeared. It was then I realized my horrible pattern. But I also recognized the root of my pattern that became a deeply embedded issue.
After the situation in 2000, everything I did was dictated by the rejection I felt. I felt I wasn't good enough, since I was simply not good enough for Mr. 2000 to fight for our relationship... I over compensated and made it my duty to show how wonderful I was and why someone would want me in their life. It was a matter of me trying to convince myself that I was good enough. Although I dated different guys, they were all WEAK and INSECURE. Basically, I was a reflection of them… my weakness and insecurities were masked in aggression and feistiness, which was a false sense of strength and security.
Yes, I know what happen to me happened 14 years ago, but unconsciously I carried it around with me… it became part of me. I coddled it and allowed it to grow into something vicious. After years of living in rejection, I realized it was not me who had the issue, but rather it was him (Mr. 2000) who didn't have the capacity needed to fight for what we were building. He was not strong enough, so he ran. I carried around his weakness and insecurities and began to operate in what he failed to do, so I fought and was aggressive in my pursuit of a solid relationship.
I’m not sure why I disclosed such information…But I do know what we fail to recognize as abnormal, we will never feel the need to or have the ability to confront. For me, I lived in rejection and devastation and always pointed the finger at others… I played the victim role, didn't take time to process and truly examine what was happening inside of me… I lived life this way for so long that it became a way of life for me… it was my normal, so I didn’t feel the need to confront anything. It wasn’t until the root of the issue came out of hiding, I was able to recognize a pattern and the abnormality of my actions.
Once I truly committed to my PURPOSE, my 'yes' had to turn into 'I DO!!!' I had to marry and fully commit myself to pursue PURPOSE. In this, I was required to face myself and deal with many undealt with heart issues. The longer I procrastinated to confront myself, my stuff... the more I hindered myself and lacked the ability to walk into DESTINY.
If you recognize a pattern in your life, don’t be afraid to examine and confront it. If PURPOSE and DESTINY is what you want, you will have to confront yourself and maybe some other things. Confrontation is never easy, but your PURPOSE and DESTINY is worth it!